


Arthur Shappey and the Faulty Sarcasm Detector

by Shappeybunny (Jaffacakeaddict)



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Douglas Explains Sarcasm, Gen, Script Fic, short and sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-09
Updated: 2014-04-09
Packaged: 2018-01-18 19:31:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1440136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaffacakeaddict/pseuds/Shappeybunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because the idea of Douglas trying to explain the concept of sarcasm to Arthur stuck in my head and just would not leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Arthur Shappey and the Faulty Sarcasm Detector

**Arthur Shappey and the Faulty Sarcasm Detector**

**DOUGLAS** : You remember earlier when you asked what the third thing about Arthur you ought to know was?

**MARTIN** : Oh, er… yes?

**DOUGLAS** : No sarcasm detector.

**ARTHUR** :  _Hey!_  Well, no, that is true, actually. I just don’t understand the point of it.

**MARTIN** : It’s really very easy, Arthur. Just remember that sarcasm is saying the opposite of what you mean.

**ARTHUR** : But that doesn’t make any sense! Why would you say the opposite of what you mean? Like, just then, when I said “that doesn’t make any sense”… so sarcasm would be if I actually thought it made complete sense? Then why wouldn’t I just say, “That makes complete sense!”

**MARTIN** : Well – ah… because… because you don’t want the person you’re talking to to  _know_  that you don’t mean what you say.

**ARTHUR** : So what’s the point of saying it?

**MARTIN** : Because – well…

**ARTHUR** : So if I said, “That chair is blue”, but actually it’s green, that would be sarcasm?

**MARTIN** : No, because the chair  _is_  green. Anyway, green isn’t the opposite of blue. Look, suppose you were wearing a really silly hat. I might say, “I like your hat”. That would be sarcasm. It’s saying the opposite of what you mean, like I said.

**DOUGLAS** : Actually, Martin, it’s  _not_  saying the opposite of what you mean. Arthur’s right -

**ARTHUR** :  _Am_  I?

**DOUGLAS** : Yes.

**MARTIN** :  _Is_  he?

**DOUGLAS** : Yes.

**MARTIN** : Are you sure?

**DOUGLAS** : Yes!

**ARTHUR** :  _Brilliant!_

**DOUGLAS** : Sarcasm isn’t saying the opposite of what you mean. It’s meaning the opposite of what you say.

**MARTIN** : It’s the same thing!

**DOUGLAS** : No, it isn’t. Attend: you think Arthur’s hat is awful -

**ARTHUR** : Hey! What’s wrong with my hat?

**DOUGLAS** : But you don’t want him to know that, so you tell him, “I love your hat!”. You say the opposite of what you mean. Now, that  _could_ be sarcasm, but it  _could_  just be you being nice and not wanting to offend Arthur by telling him he has terrible taste in hats.

**MARTIN** : I really don’t think it  _could_ …

**DOUGLAS** : So, let’s try again: “I love your hat, Arthur!”

**ARTHUR** : Aw, thanks, Douglas!

**MARTIN** : He was being sarcastic, Arthur.

**DOUGLAS** : No, I wasn’t. I was being  _you_ , being sarcastic.

**ARTHUR** : So  _neither_ of you like my hat?

**MARTIN** : There is no hat, Arthur!

**DOUGLAS** : I am merely using the hat as an example. It could just as easily be… ah… your Cordon Bleu cooking skills.

**ARTHUR** : My Gordon what?

**MARTIN** : I don’t think that’s helping, Douglas.

**DOUGLAS** : Fine. Let’s just stick with the hat. The hat that Martin has just said he really loves. Now, if we define sarcasm as meaning the opposite of what you say, the actual meaning of that statement  _to you_ , is that you hate his hat and want to toss it into the nearest skip and set it on fire. Ergo, you are being sarcastic. Of course, because Arthur has no sarcasm detector, he doesn’t realise that. He just thinks you’re being nice about his hat. In one way, Martin, you  _were_  right…

**MARTIN** : Oh, thanks!

**DOUGLAS** : … sarcasm is sarcasm or not depending on the intention of the speaker. You might say it expecting the person you’re speaking to to understand that you’re being sarcastic: “Gosh, Douglas, this Surprising Rice is absolutely  _delicious_.” You might say it expecting that they’ll have absolutely no clue, but other people in the room will understand that it’s sarcasm and will therefore appreciate how terrifically witty you are: “Gosh, Arthur, this Surprising Rice is absolutely  _delicious_. Don’t you agree, Douglas?” And you might say it entirely for your own benefit, not really caring whether anyone else in the room gets it or not, because  _you_  know how terrifically witty you are, and that’s all that matters.

**MARTIN** : Hmm, now who does  _that_  remind me of?

**DOUGLAS** : I’ve absolutely no idea.

**ARTHUR** : So… you  _like_  Surprising Rice, but… you  _don’t_  like my hat?

**DOUGLAS** : No.

**ARTHUR** : Ah, I get it now! You were being sarcastic!

**MARTIN** : Yes, Arthur. That was rather the  _point_.

**ARTHUR** : So if you meant the opposite of what you said… what you’re  _actually_ saying is that you  _don’t_  like Surprising Rice, but you  _do_  like my hat?

**MARTIN** : Yes.  _No!_

**ARTHUR** : I don’t get it.

**MARTIN** : You do surprise me!

**DOUGLAS** : Now  _that’s_ sarcasm…

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and do check out When Douglas Met Arthur, in which Captain Douglas Richardson meets his boss's teenage son for the first time and thinks he might be stoned. Well, you would, wouldn't you?


End file.
